Day 17: Apathy

Apathy is on the top of my list of pet peeves. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been a passionate person, but I cannot seem to wrap my  mind around the idea that it’s “cool” to not care. I care about a lot of things and I care a lot about those things. I have no concept of what it feels like to not put my heart, soul, and energy into things that I love and care passionately about.

Apathy in regards to faith is a dangerous and scary feeling to have. There was a point in my life when I was apathetic towards God. I knew He existed and I don’t think I ever doubted that existence entirely, but I certainly questioned His role in my life and paid very little attention to Him. I was curious, but not enough to read the Bible to gain more knowledge or truth of God, not enough to seek Him and want to go to church to worship Him.

I think the scariest part of that to me was when I finally started becoming curious about my faith again, when I was curious enough to join a church and search for God’s role in my life. Once I was surrendered to His love once more, I realized how far out I’d gotten, how far away from my heavenly Father I had become. My apathy towards my faith separated me from the love He had been wanting to give me all along.

Part of me thinks about how much I could’ve been doing to grow my spiritual maturity during this time that I had been apart from God, but I mostly feel sad for how much I know He loves me now and how I didn’t know that for so long, and that I didn’t appreciate that love. Knowing how amazing life is while focusing on His word makes me sad because I didn’t realize that I could’ve been in that love all along.

God, thank you for bringing me back to your love and back into a relationship with You. Thank you for helping me to grow strong in my faith and for never giving up on me. Help me to live my life in a way that glorifies You through all that I do.

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