Walking with Christ is not always an easy walk, but knowing where you’re at on it makes things easier. I often find that the most difficult times in my faith are the times when I’m neither overjoyed nor in a low place. For me, the most difficult times are the in between grey clouds when you’re not even waiting for something, but unsure of whether or not you should be waiting or moving.
In times when I’m overjoyed, it’s easy to see and feel God’s presence, and I know I should be praising Him. In low places of trials and challenges and hardship, I know I should be focusing on God and having faith in His love and trust that He has me in the palms of His hands. But what am I supposed to do when there’s no big decisions to be made, what am I supposed to focus on when life is just sort of coasting along?
Maybe that’s just it, the fact that I don’t know what to be focusing on means I’m not focusing on God. Bad things do not have to be happening for me to go to Him, although sometimes those are the only things that seem worthy to give to God. Why would He want to hear about the little in between aspects of my day when there are people all over the world who are suffering?
During times of uncertainty, I try to remind myself of truth. One big truth that’s important to remember is that God wants all of me all the time: He wants all of my problems, all of my joys, all of my doubts, fears, worries, all of my uncertainties. He wants to know everything about everything in my life because He loves me that much. He loves me when I’m wrong and when I’m right and when I’m rich and when I’m poor and when I’m tired and when I’m feeling at my best. I can’t even begin to explain how amazing His love is, it’s one of things you have to experience for yourself to truly grasp.
Is it always as simple as reminding myself that God loves me no matter what and that my problems are worthy of His attention, no matter what they are, even if I don’t know how I feel? Maybe not, but it’s certainly a start and it’s certainly a better way to cope then shutting down and avoiding my problems. Uncertainty makes me want to step away from everything and not deal with anything, which pushes me out of God’s presence because I’m acting in a way that indicates that there’s no solution to my problems, that nothing and no one can comfort me, when I have a source of unending, perfect love readily available to me at all times. Reminding myself that I’m not alone in my uncertainty and that God is with me and has a plan for me that I’ll hear as long as I’m focusing on Him, I can rest peacefully until that uncertainty is cleared up.