Weakness is interesting when you’re a Christ follower. When focusing on my weaknesses, I often feel so far from God. I feel like I’m not worth His time or worth His son’s sacrifice. Jesus died for the sins I continue to give into, how is that fair? How could God possibly want me like this? How could He ever forgive me?
If one of my loved ones died to save someone else and that person didn’t appreciate it, I can’t even begin to imagine how that would feel.
I guess by our own human standards, God is weird in that way. Not only am I forgiven through repentance every. Single. Time. But He wants to take my weaknesses, meet me where I am at, continue to love me, and use my weaknesses to help build my faith and my relationship with Him. THAT is what I call grace, a grace only God is capable of providing.
In my mind, my weakness makes me feel undeserving of God’s relationship, and therefore distant. In this case, I’m the only one moving away. God stays right where He is and waits for me to come back because He views my weakness as a time to grow closer. Every time I come back, I’m reminded through His grace how ridiculous I’ve been acting. I’m reminded of how much time I’ve wasted, and yet He doesn’t even want me to feel that shame, either. A shame I completely deserve. That’s how grace works–He gives you what you definitely do not deserve.
God, you are so good. I want to apologize for the times I’ve drifted from you on my own account, when I’ve doubted the unconditional love you pour out to me constantly in so many ways. Thank you for the second chances and the amazing people in my life that I in no way deserve, but that you have given me anyways.